A candid letter to my daughters. Pt. 2

Subject: Boys

Most boys at your age don’t want to do anything but get in between your legs.

And they will pluck any girl who lets them. Ugly, pretty, clean, dirty, whatever (trust me!!)

And they will tell each and every one that they are smart, and beautiful, and sexy until one of them falls for their game.

Tell those guys thanks, but you already know what you look like, and you already know you’re smart.  Too smart to fall for those weak ass lines.

It takes more than just kind words to get a taste of the treasure you hold between your legs.

You will see that some guys will move on to the next one.

Others will respect your mind, and they will try to get to know you, and treat you with respect because they know you’re not a tramp.

But, respect is just a minimum requirement.

You want a guy that is honest, smart, and loyal, has potential, and goals, and drive.

Make him wait and make him work!

But you can’t expect to get a guy with those things if you don’t possess the same qualities.

When you do decide to give away your “precious” remember:

#1) Sex changes everything.  Its more than just physical, its psychological too. Its hard to understand until you experience it yourself, but trust me, you don’t need to rush.

 #2) NEVER, EVER, EVER have sex without a condom. 

No matter how faithful you think he is, how nice he treats you, how clean he looks, it is too much of a risk!

Sex is literally a life or death situation. 

#3) Don’t you dare even think about getting pregnant unless and until you are married!  And that doesn’t mean that you get married after you find out you are pregnant.  Remember: First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage.

“Envy is ignorance…”

As a kid I got picked on a lot.  Too skinny, too white, too proper, too siddidy, etc.  All that talking got to me, and had me feeling like everything those haters were saying was true.  They had my confidence low, and feeling intimidated to be myself. Everything I did, I had all eyes on me.  And of course they always had something to say.  Just like that telephone game, by the time word got around it is was nothing close to what really happened.  Had my reputation all fucked up...and being that I had to go to school with these fools, I had to deal with it and fight with these chicks on a regular basis.  But soon enough I realized that these hoes were just jealous.  They spent their time talking about me so they could get the spotlight off of their raggedy asses!  Damn it…I’m smart, I’m a bombshell, and I’m going places (no doubt about it).  I don’t need anybody to reassure me of that.  Matter fact, my mirror reassures me.

I never really understood haters.  I never really been one to talk bad about people, or lie on people, or even really be jealous of people.  When I see another female looking good and doing her thang, I don’t feel hatred in my heart.  I don’t be like, “Fuck that hoe, she think she all that.  She probably fucked that nigga to get that shit!”  Naw…hell naw!  That ain’t me.  I admire people who are doing good.  That makes me wanna go out and do my thing even harder.  I can’t hate on anybody or talk too bad about anybody, cuz I don’t know anybody’s personal situation.  If a chick is looking raggedy…what does that have to do with me??  She probably fell on hard times.  Maybe she has bigger goals than having the latest Jordans.  Maybe she’s saving up for a down payment on a condo.  Who knows?  And If she’s fly…maybe she has a good job.  Maybe she has a sugar daddy.  Maybe she’s two weeks from getting evicted.  Maybe her credit cards are maxed out.  So how can I be jealous??

So the moral of the story is…DO YOU!!   And do it as best as YOU can.  That’s all you can do.  Never let anybody steal your shine. Cuz while haters are steady watching somebody else, they’re missing out on all the fun they could be having.  While they’re busy assassinating somebody’s character, they could be trying to get to know them, and finding out how down to earth and fun that person is to be around.  And when the haters start to get to you, go look in the mirror and remind yourself how fly you really are.  Those haters are jealous, and they get off on trying to drag you down to their level. 

Let it simmer

Just thought I would hit you with a little bit of inspiration. This is my favorite quote. Enjoy!

 "There is a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better, for worse, as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till.  The power which resides in him is new in nature, and none, but he, know what that is which he can do, nor does he know until he has tried"

...and truly it demands something godlike in him who cast off the motives of humanity and has ventured to trust himself for a task master."

                         - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A candid letter to my daughters. Pt. 1

Self Esteem:

I don’t want to give you the wrong idea when I say this but,

YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD.

Your life is all about you.

You (and only you) will have to live with every single decision you make in this world.

So it doesn’t make sense to do anything that isn’t going to benefit you.

What’s good for one person might not be good for you.

So the only thing you can do is stay true to yourself.

Get a hobby, work towards goals, have fun.

You know what’s best for you.

FORGET THE NAY SAYERS.

Leave them in the dust.

As long as they don’t disrespect you or put their hands on you, don’t pay them any mind.

If you weren’t doing the right things they wouldn’t be worried about you at all.

Jealous people will always try to tear you down to bring you to their level.

They hate that you have what you have, look the way you look, and do the things you do.

So they talk about you and try to make you feel crummy, because then you will feel just like them.

The only time you should change yourself is if YOU don’t like something about YOU.

Never let anybody convince you that you are anything less than what you are: smart, beautiful, brave, and interesting.

Don’t compromise yourself, to fit into someone else’s mold.

They may not like how you are, but please believe that there are plenty of people that admire you for who you are.

Inspiration...

A Dream Deferred

by Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

     I gave birth to my first daughter at 17 years old. I was a senior in high school. So many people told me that my life was over. So many strangers shook their heads in pity or disgust when they saw my round belly. Yet somehow, my heart kept beating. The birth of my daughter may have come at an inopportune time by society's standards, but they say, a baby is a blessing. Of course, if I could turn back the hands of time I would have waited until I could be more certain of a secure future for her, but I must say that my little pumpkin did dramatically change my life...for the better! The thought of having the responsibility of creating and shaping a new new life, has sent me into overdrive. My daughter gives me something to live for. She is a motivation for me to take life seriously. Only God knows where I would be right now had she not come into my life.

     This poem reminds me that you should never give up on your dreams. It feels like I've been dealing with hurdle after hurdle, but that's life. It goes on, even when you think you feel like you can't take anymore. My dream was deferred, but its still attainable, and I'm determined to meet my goals. :)

Does this poem resonate with you? How?

Somebody said when you put it in writing, its official…

I like to stunt, and its not that I can’t get it.

But when I start to think…Do I want these rims/shoes/chain/(insert your expensive, unnecessary, temporary thrill here)?

Yeah I want it, but I REALLY want that big ass house with the yard, the deck, and the heated pool; the frequent flier miles; the Rover or the Cayenne; the extra comma in my bank account. 

So…

I won’t blow my income tax on clothes and shoes. 

I won’t sacrifice my rent money for a night in the club.

I won’t overdraft my account for a fresh lace front.

I won’t skip on car insurance to pay Rent ‘n Roll.

I won’t max out my credit card for some new Louboutin's.

I won’t fuck my credit up trying to lease a Mercedes if I only have Chevy money.

You won’t catch me scheming unless it’s a life or death situation.

In other words…

I won’t blow my paychecks trying to be hood rich, showing off for people who won’t remember me when my money runs out.

Don’t get me wrong… I know what it feels like to have shit that people want.

All the employees in Mashiko’s know your name and your size. They put stuff aside for you that they think you might like.

& They don’t ask for ID when its time to pay.

All of a sudden niggas will do anything for you (& they don’t even mention sex.)

Girls just strike up conversation with you, like you have on a rainbow belt or something.

Dudes crowd around your car every time you pull up to the corner store.

Everybody in the club wanna sit by you, thinking you gon get friendly and buy them a drink.

Losing friends cuz they think, that you think, that you all that! (Not so fun.)

Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt (but I never wear it). LOL. 

Its all good but, I rather let the haters talk behind my back about how I think I’m all that cuz my trip to Brazil left me with tan lines.  Or cuz I don’t have to go to the beach to ride my jet skis, I just go to my back yard. 

LOL. 

It’s not a dream.  It’s a plan. & You just notarized it.

Signed
- Jess

Ugly Duckling [A slightly off beat poem about haters]

When I was in high school they used to say…

Ain’t you heard of a perm?!

Why you wear your hair that way?

Mouth full of metal.

You might be pretty…one day.

Too damn skinny.

Need a few mango seasons.

Yeah, they still holla,

But only for one reason.

Brainiac, know it all,

Won’t you quit acting white?

You think you all that

Cuz your skin is light.

Had me all self-conscious,

Cuz my eyebrows were too thick.

All night in the mirror with a razor

Like, “That should do the trick”

No money for Jordons,

Had to wear bo bos.

Begging my daddy for clothes,

Sick of hearing "Hell NO!"

Now its like…

Long hair, don’t care,

Wanna know if its weave.

I laugh, “Its all me!”

They like, “Can I have some please?”

Skinny like a model,

Now they love my weight.

& they love to see me smile

Cuz my teeth are straight.

Yeah, I’m a smartie,

Stay with my nose in a book.

Yeah, I’m fine,

But I don’t depend on my looks!

"Ooh, who does your eyebrows?

They’re so full and exotic."

Funny what they used to tease me for,

All of a sudden, is hypnotic.

Ya’ll spend ya’ll rent money on shoes,

But haven’t you heard the news?

I keep my money in the bank,

'Cuz, Its a recession boo.

Moral of the story…

You can like it or love it.

If not, you can suck it.

'Cuz if you don’t like it,

I know some one who will…ME!

LMAO at haters…'cuz they suck!